Finding comfort in trees after late-diagnosed neurodivergence

A month after my 46th birthday, I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD. I had known about the ADHD for a couple years at that point, and I had already suspected autism for several years on top of that, diving into a maze of research and self-assessments. Having gone through this, I firmly believe self-diagnoses are valid. The reason being is that people who are not on the spectrum don’t typically research the topic for years on end.*

While I wanted the official diagnosis for my peace of mind, the assessment ended up offering far more than a diagnosis. For me, it’s not about the label, it’s about having the knowledge to create a truthful and workable framework for my life. The assessment helped me understand my strengths and weaknesses in several areas, and though this will help in moving forward, I am currently haunted by what I might have been able to achieve if I had supports and understood my condition from a younger age.

The information is helping me understand why I struggled in certain areas, and has ushered in the need to practice radical acceptance and change the way I create expectations of myself.

I relocated from Saskatchewan to Vancouver Island a month after receiving my results.

I find myself staring at the trees, watching how they change from day to day. There is nothing static about them. They mirror the environment, becoming extensions of the wind, reflecting the sun, changing colour in the rain. And beyond what we see, they communicate and support one another through advanced underground networks.

As someone who never felt valued or particularly liked*, that interconnectedness draws me in. The trees don’t judge one another, and they don’t judge me. I don’t need to understand the world from the trees’ perspective to appreciate what they have to offer. The wall of towering conifers outside my window help me feel less alone, and support my need to simply allow myself to exist. I am grateful for them.

 *Studies show autistic individuals are generally perceived in a more negative light compared to their neurotypical peers. More on that later, along with covert bullying in the workplace.

*For reliable autism self-assessments, visit: embrace-autism.com

"You know me, I think there ought to be a big old tree right there. And let's give him a friend. Everybody needs a friend."

― Bob Ross