The High Prevalence of Bullying Towards People Who Are Neurodiverse

I was recently diagnosed with autism, ADHD and social anxiety disorder at age 46. On the heels of this diagnosis my research shifted from trying to determine if I was on the spectrum to understanding my life from a different lens. The psychology of human behaviour has always been interesting to me, so I’ve taken the time to examine bullying in relation to neurodivergence. 

Research shows children and adults with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) experience higher overall rates of bullying than those with ADHD. However, individuals with ADHD are also bullied at extremely high rates, and those who have both conditions face the highest risk of all. [1]

While neurotypical individuals generally see a sharp decline in bullying as they transition from school to adulthood, neurodivergent individuals experience a persistence of bullying that shifts from overt playground harassment to insidious, socially sanctioned mistreatment in the workplace and social circles. [2]

Important to note bullying is prevalent regardless of whether a person has an official diagnosis. However, being undiagnosed typically increases the severity, duration, and psychological damage of bullying.

 A diagnosis allows someone to understand and adopt a neurodivergent identity which can act as a shield of protection to a degree. Undiagnosed individuals do not have this understanding and are highly prone to camouflaging (masking). Research from the Autistic Girls Network [3] highlights this prolonged, desperate attempt to blend in to avoid bullying causes devastating erosion to a person's mental health, confidence, and self-esteem. 

The psychological assessment that determined my AuDHD diagnosis, showed above average masking scores and it was noted I have very low self-esteem. In addition to undiagnosed neurodivergence, I lost my hearing at age three and it was not recognized until age 10. The school system I grew up in was vehemently audist [4]. There was a myriad of needs that were not met, and co-concurring conditions that interfered with my ability to feel comfortable socially. Now diagnosed, I can understand the patterns, the social dynamics, the frequency (both professionally and personally) at which I had been positioned by others as the problem and the target, or both, and I would like to share some of my insights.

Covert bullying often arrives in the form of backhanded comments that are disguised just enough to not be an outright insult. The method often used in these instances is to build up (compliment) and then cut down (insult). As an example, a colleague at one of my workplaces who after complimenting my shoes and finding out they were vintage, stated to the others in the room that used shoes are disgusting. Or, after complimenting my eyelashes at the lunch table then asked if they were fake. The rare, backhanded comment is not a big deal, but it begins to matter when it happens regularly and when others begin to march to the beat of the bully’s drum.

Covert bullying can also present as people sharing glances and smirks whenever you speak, talking over you, interrupting you, or using the compliment/cut down method by letting you have the floor and then deliberately not engaging. Covert bullies want to make you feel small and embarrassed.

Covert bullies typically have a wound in themselves they are unable to hold and heal. It can be unhealed trauma, insecurity, or a myriad of other possibilities. The inability to address the incompetence created by their wound creates a need to be validated by others. They go about this through the act of building themselves up by tearing another down and attempting to create bonds with peers who tolerate and/or encourage their bullying behaviour. In their chosen target, they have spotted someone who can’t, or won’t, fight back, and often someone who is lacking support – an outlier, as people who are neurodiverse often are by nature.

This is why it’s important to try to find at least one solid ally in the workplace, someone who will vouch for you and is able to see the bullying for what it is. Having a reliable witness can keep you grounded and provide a level of safety (even if it’s just safety for your nervous system). An ally is especially helpful considering neurodiverse people misunderstand social cues and norms, which allows the opportunity for a bully to brush off their behaviour or gaslight their victim. It’s harder to gaslight someone who has someone in their corner. I give this advice as someone who did not have anyone in my corner.

A final thing to note about covert bullies is they rarely insult you unless there are others watching. Ironically, your covert bully is often sweet as pie when you catch them alone, which, especially for someone on the spectrum who tends to take people for their word and see the best in people, is further confusing. Ultimately, the bully is driven by a need for approval. But, it is not your responsibility to appease someone who mistreats you.

For some tips on how to manage adult bullies, visit this article. (https://psychprofessionals.com.au/dealing-adult-bullies/).

[1] Accardo, A.L., Neely, L.C., Pontes, N.M.H. et al. Bullying Victimization is Associated with Heightened Rates of Anxiety and Depression Among Autistic and ADHD Youth: National Survey of Children’s Health 2016–2020. J Autism Dev Disord 55, 3605–3621 (2025). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-024-06479-z

[2] "It’s Not a Trend: ADHD, Adult Bullying and Finally Feeling Seen with Brooke Schnittman." YouTube, uploaded by Caroline Maguire, 3 Feb 2026, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDREKH0D87Q&t=398s

[3] https://autisticgirlsnetwork.org/keeping-it-all-inside.pdf

[4] Audism is discrimination or prejudice against individuals who are deaf or hard of hearing.